Young Fur
 "Fur for life and beyond."
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I'm a young Fur, and being a Furry means probably more to me than anyone will ever know. But, as a young Fur, I have some problems with a few things. The first is that seems to be common "should I tell my parents or not." I want to tell them, but I just feel that I'll regret doing so. My other problem, which kind of has to do with the first, is that I REALLY want to go to Anthrocon. I do live in PA, but I live 3 hours from Pittsburgh and I don't know if my parents would bother letting me go since I need their permission and that I can't get there by myself. In order to at least make them consider letting me go, I know i'd need to explain the Furry Fandon to them, but I'm just too afraid to. I know they won't fully understand it, and they probably won't beleive how serious I am about being a Furry. I have a feeling that if I don't tell them, I'll just have to wait till I'm 18 to go, so I guess telling them is the only way to get there before that. How do I tell them, how do I explain it to them, how do I get them to understand that I'm a Furry, that all things Furry are what matter to me most, that I prefer to live as animal, that there are others out there just like me, that being a Furry is something a lot are serious about, and pretty much everything else that the Furry Fandom includes. So, how should I tell my parents, should I even tell them, and how should I convince them to let me go to AC. Any advice on this or maybe something else you might have would be appreciated. |
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Location: Ardmore, PA
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
We have a section of our FAQ just for you young folk: http://www.anthrocon.org/faq/minors
It should cover all of your questions. Enjoy!
--
My LiveJournal - My Website - See what I'm doing on Twitter
That's pretty useful =)
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
"The first is that seems to be common 'should I tell my parents or not.' I want to tell them, but I just feel that I'll regret doing so."
While you didn't post your age, I'm going to take a wild guess from your general elocution that you're around 14, maybe 15. A point of advice, my friend: Wait a few years, see if you're still as hardcore about this "furry" thing once you've done a bit more growing - mentally, emotionally, and physically. No sense in going and casting off all bonds of those ugly hy00mans just yet.
"How do I get them to understand that I'm a Furry, that all things Furry are what matter to me most, that I prefer to live as animal."
Animals don't go to Anthrocon, dear. They also don't use computers, wear clothing, or speak English. While we all appreciate your youthful exuberance after discovering that you're a fox inside (natch), try to approach things with some semblance of pragmatism first.
Actually, I'm 16, but I see how you could guess 14 or 15. I already know that I'll be as fond of Furries as I am now forever. And when I said I prefer that I prefer to live as an animal, I meant an anthro animal =)
I've already committed my life to Furries, and being a Furry, etc.
Still, I'm not so sure what to do, but I appreciate the thoughts.
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
What's your impression of what living as an anthro animal entails? I've been in the community for a mere six years now, and I'm not even sure what that involves.
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Website: [Link]
I'm doing this on a daily basis so let me give you a few quick pointers, at least from a dog standpoint:
- As soon as you wake up, yell as loud as you can for like forty minutes and bang on doors in your house.
- Whenever you see someone, stuff your face in their crotch and make sniffling noises.
- Poop on the street.
- ...And make someone else put it in a bag and carry it for like 20 blocks because there's no bloody trashcans and the damn dog decided to go in the one spot where there was a cop watching. Dammit. :I
- Howl or yell a lot, and at the most annoying times.
- Chew on sticks.
- Eat brown goop from a can or little pinkish styrofoamy-looking balls from a giant bag, and those alone, but constantly make longing looks and sad noises at people food.
Hope this clears everything up!
Location: NJ
That's being a furry?
I thought that was the list of "How to Become an NJ Legistator".
>:}
Location: Las Vegas, Nv
Looks like you're in quite the cunundrum. Or however it is that's spelled. Honestly, I am sure your parents love you very much and would be willing to listen. You'll never know unless you take the chance and talk to them about it and explain to them how you feel. If you don't, you'll definately be missing out on a chance to share with your loved ones about something you're so enthusiastic about.
You're fortunate to have parents who love and protect you, and when they say you can talk to them about anything, they usually mean it.
I just don't know if they'll accept me for it.
If you're absolutely certain, tell them. I know people who have told their parents they were gay when they were in their teens, and they did reject him for it. I think the result depends on the parents. Some parents are completely blind, others are too protective, some will come up with some bs and start mentally abusing the kid.
I know someone who had a relationship with a person who was older online, her parents found out and they placed so much red tape on everything she almost did commit suicide. They later tried tricking her to stay with them on her college summer vacation, like they were jealous and wanted to destroy her life. I did help her, and to this day her parents think she gave me some kind of "job" for paying the flight back to California. *sigh*
Again, if you're absolutely certain they'll understand, tell them. Else, I seriously wouldn't tell them if they're the type which hate everything around them which is better then them.
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
If your parents are the Internet-using type, you're screwed, bud. You can explain to them how it's harmless as much as you want, but when they pop on over to Google, search for "furry", and find penises as far as the eye can see, they're going to freak.
I believe most of you (except, of course, for Giza) have panicked him enough.
I'm going to poke my nose in, to try to restore some sanity.
Let's see...
You didn't say how young you were, but you're almost certainly below the age of 18.
Below the age of 18, you pretty much have to do whatever your parents say.
Otherwise, they can make things unpleasant for you, and the law will back them up.
This also means that, after 18, you can do what YOU want, and the law will back
YOU up.
So, what's a young furre to do?
First of all, DON'T PANIC.
Your parents, apparently, aren't beating you. They're paying the rent, buying
the food, and paying for your clothes. You don't want to interfere with that.
The smartest thing to do, IMHO, is to SLOW DOWN and WAIT UNTIL 18 to consider
attending AnthroCon.
In the meantime, whether or not you do, it is very important that you
EDUCATE YOURSELF.
Go to wikifur and read up on the more basic entries-furry, furry fandom,
history, and so on.
It will give you a better understanding of what you're involving yourself with.
That will become ESPECIALLY important when you explain to your parents.
If I was a confidant of yours, I'd tell you NOT to tell them YET. Learn first,
THEN tell them. At least you'll understand what you're trying to say, then.
Once you've read up (at least 3 months, probably more), then you can begin to plan
what to tell the parents, and how to address any problems they may bring up.
AnthroCon will still be there when you're 18. If you wait a few years to tell them.
you'll know more and can tell them better. Plus, since you're a little older, they'll
take you a little more seriously. Time is ON YOUR SIDE.
My advice:
1) read up, so you understand the subject. Ever do an oral presentation in
class? Read up on something, then get up and tell the others?
This is the same thing. Read up, and prepare like you would for a class
assignment. I actually didn't tell a parent until I'd been to a few ACs,
and got used to talking about it like on a panel. Actually, I brought it up
not long after I was on a panel, last year. That's when I PERSONALLY felt confident
about speaking at length on it. It's also important, because you won't want to
come off as some sort of freak, which means calm words are one key, and words
that mean something, and that are harmless, are also important.
I do NOT know what you meant by "living as an animal", but I'd say very few furries
do anything like that. Most are normal people with a hobby.
2) If at all possible, wait a year or 2, best until 18. Being older, plus more time
to study, will be important.
3) Read the AC website in GREAT detail. It has intelligent stuff on furry, and
on AnthroCon.
4) When you DO tell them, be sure to let them know how "family-friendly" AnthroCon
is, and how they are welcome to come along if they wish. Between the official
schedule, and the attractions of Pittsburgh, they'd find things to do.
Website: [Link]
Remind me again why parents hate social clubs that pertain to cartoon animals?
No seriously, whats the deal? It can't be any more innocent and it's only how you perceive it not to be that would make it awkward. Chill.
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Website: [Link]
I thiiiiiink that part of the problem people have is it gets taken way out of context like it's some crazy sexual orientation. You don't need to 'come out' as furry; it doesn't really affect who you're marrying or your course and stuff in life (though chances are it probably means an eventual comin' out as TOOT TOOT FLUTTER FLUTTER HEY SAAAAIIILOR) so really it's not something you need to explain to any great detail like it's a lifestyle choice. It's a convention for people who like cartoon animals. That's all they need to know. If they want information, have a few pages ready. Kage wrote a very good primer on this site, under "what is "Furry?"
It's not a huge deal. It's really, really not.
Location: Philadelphia area, PA
A few thoughts are percolating in my head this moment.
--One is sort of a general thought for my fellow posters--let's cool it on the horror stories just a tad. From what i can see, this guy is quite worried enough without our help, and in my experience, the more you go into these parental conversations feeling nervous, the less able you are to help your parents understand that really, this is no big deal.
--The second is, like i said above, being into furry really isn't a big deal; it's just a matter of helping your parents to understand that. And that's where it gets a little challenging.
OK, so you're transspecies. That's unusual among furries, but hardly unheard of. Still, i'd set that part aside for now, where your parents are concerned; it's an awful lot to take in, all in one bite. For now, if you want to talk to them about attending AC, just concentrate on the parts you can easily explain--lots of silly and beautiful costumes, new friends, a chance to hear all about the work of a real grand master of cartooning like Floyd Norman...Don't make it out to be a great big confession, wanting to go to AC; it's a flock of animal enthusiasts and cartoon fans, not sodom and gomorrah.
You might even invite them to come along, if they feel like it would help; sometimes parents feel easier about something new in their kids' lives if they feel like they can get involved themselves. Or you could offer to just go to some of the day programming and come home at night. Going to parts of AC is better than not going to AC at all, right?
All in all, though, i'd say that if you don't feel you're ready to talk about this stuff at all with your parents yet, that's fine. No rush. It's not like AC is gonne disappear anytime soon. Give it a few years, consider some smaller furmeets (of which i believe there are many in the pittsburgh area) and see if you can ease into it gradually. Talk to other furs, maybe even a school counselor, and see if they can help support you. But even if you're over 18, i would advise a simple rule for those still living with parents: if you're not yet ready to talk to your parents attending AC, you're not yet ready to go.
--Transspeciesism does happen among furs, but it's not by any means an all-furs thing, and the feeling has been known to fade in some teens. It can also be a hard sell for parents. If you don't need to explain this part to them for some reason, i'd say leave it be. It's not like you have to worry about operations issues the way transgendered folks often do. You'll have plenty of time, if you still want them to know about it, after you've finished all of your schooling and you're ready to move out of your own. And by then, hopefully, they'll have had plenty of time to get used to you being a furry, so you being transspecies won't be such a big leap.
Location: NJ
My advice: If you're only 16, work and save money because you'll need it when you're 18!
Conventions are expensive, unless you're fully employed and have no debt.
Heck, I'm 31 and it's something I need to save every penny extra to afford. It's my only vacation for the year.
Of course, since I'm going for business this year, it's not really 'vacation', but what harm can a little more stress do?
*Charles is later found hiding in a trashcan with two eyeholes poked in it to watch for the, as he called them, the 'alien vampire slugs what eats yer brain'.*
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
"--Transspeciesism does happen among furs, but it's not by any means an all-furs thing, and the feeling has been known to fade in some teens. It can also be a hard sell for parents."
Yeah, just like everything else. I don't know if you're familiar with them youngins these days, but it's "cool" to be non-normal when you're 16, you tend to grow out of it. It's "cool" to be gay, it's "cool" to be a lesbian, a goth, a furry, or whatever.
The real question is whether or not this guy is going to feel the same way 2, maybe 3 years from now. Sure, he knows that he's a FURRY FOR LIFE, YO, but that doesn't make it any more or less likely that he'll be "transspecies".
Also, "transspecies" is such a load of hooey.
Location: Ardmore, PA
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
Ahem. Opinions are fine here. Insults, flames, and general "put downs" aimed at other forum members are not.
I don't expect everyone on these boards to agree with each other 100%, but I do ask for mutual respect here.
Thanks.
--
My LiveJournal - My Website - See what I'm doing on Twitter
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
Well, my opinion is that it's hooey.
Look, I'd love to believe that transspeciesism is more than just escapism from an unhappy life, but thus far I haven't seen any substantive evidence that it is.
Moreover, I wouldn't expect anyone to put very much stock in my belief that I have a body image that is neuter in gender, and gender identity has had quite a lot of research put into it. I have every right to be skeptical of something even further out there.
Location: Philadelphia area, PA
Why, of course you have the right to be skeptical. Everyone does, of anything that doesn't make sense to them.
However, there are ways to express your skepticism that are less offensive to those who put more stock in the belief, as it were. For instance, "I don't put much stock in transspeciesism," or "That's not an idea that i ascribe to." Those at least allow that others may feel otherwise.
And for future reference, personally, what pronoun do you prefer that we use for you-- he, she, it, id, hir, sie...? I'm open to whatever feels good to you.
*makes a note to himself*
Wonderful-now I have something ELSE to have ready for discussion at the Animal
Spirituality panel....
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
In truth?
I don't really care what you call me.
See, that's the difference between me and a lot of the hypersensitive, overdramatic folks that tend to populate any sort of alternative-lifestyle sects. I don't get bent out of shape over someone's opinion or what words someone uses. Immediately going on the defensive over a pronoun strikes me as a little... what's the word... petty? Yes, petty.
Location: Ardmore, PA
Website: [Link]
Blog: [Link]
Yes, what Desteredra said. There are a 1,001 ways to indicate that you are skeptical or otherwise not into something that do not convey offense or put the original poster on the defensive.
Examples:
"I'm not into transspeciesism myself"
"Transspeciesism isn't my thing"
"I don't follow the whole transspeciesism thing, can you elaborate?"
If you feel strongly enough about something and you are unsure about being able to post something without offending, it is always acceptable to sleep on it, or just post nothing at all. He who does not speak cannot be criticized for what he said.
--
My LiveJournal - My Website - See what I'm doing on Twitter
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Okie-dokie, I think we're just about finished with this discussion. Thanks to everyone who were kind enough to offer advice to Redd. I have contacted him privately (and Redd, I hope you received that email) with a nice summary of suggestions as well as a few of my own, and we're looking forward to seeing him -- and possibly his parents -- at Anthrocon this year!