Almost got busted
Posted by Kova on Thu, 2008-06-05 22:41
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 Location: New Jersey
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So here is the thing, parents dont know im a furrie or what one is matter of fact and just the other day i just so happened to browse through the mail, which my dad usually gets from the mail box. anyways, i just so happened to c a letter with anthrocon written in the corner of the letter. usually he doesnt go through the mail until night time so lucky me, he didnt c it. *sigh of relief* man, if he read it, which sometimes he reads my mail, that would of been a great family conversation to have >.< But i did like how on the back of the letter gave a wonderfully description of the furry fandom. lucky me, all they know is that im going to a beach house for 5 days ^_^ |
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Location: Ardmore, PA
Website: [Link]
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Uhh... you should really tell your parents where you are going.
Having been on the receiving end of an angry parent showing up and saying, "I thought my kid was going camping!", it is not an experience I wish to repeat.
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permalinkLocation: Mystic, CT
Blog: [Link]
But you are not going to a beach house for 5 days. You are going to Anthrocon. I'd really recommend that you let your parents know what's going on. We have many valuable resources here in the "What is Furry" link to the left, and there are other positive sources to explain Anthrocon and Furry Fandom to your parents. While you can certianly be vague about things, and we'd hope you'd present the positive aspects of the fandom and conventions, outright lying to them will.. eventually come back to bite you.
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permalinkLocation: Laredo, TX
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Do listen to Chiaroscuro and Giza; Nothing disheartens a parent more then finding out their child is actually going to Place B when they said they were going to Place A. Its even worse when they outright lie to them. They put their trust and faith into you that your being honest and a responsible person. And if they find out about where your really going... well not only its gonna be very difficult to build that trust back, but theres a good chance their wont be a "next year at AC" for you. Thats something you should not take for granted. I know if I was a father and my son lied to me... Id be very upset at him.
Don't be embarrassed about telling your parents. Tell them about the furry fandom and the good things about it, tell them about the links here on AC like the "What The Furry?" page. You'd be surprised how many parents take a positive reaction to this. And theirs mine like my father who isn't exactly thrilled about me going despite what I told him about the furry fandom. But he trusts me and knows I can handle myself fine and make the right choices. If you need to, bring them along.
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permalinkLocation: Philadelphia, PA
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I feel like a broken record saying this.
Things like this become bad things in parents' minds when you start hiding it and ACTING like there's something shady about it. Most people don't know what furry is and are not going to jump to a snap conclusion that it is a bad thing.
Honestly, tell them. Because then when they inevitably DO find out, suddenly furry's going to be a bad thing to them because it makes you lie and sneak around.
Seriously.
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permalinkI don't condone lying to your parents (as far as public forums are concerned), but make sure that if you have to, your bases are covered. Have a cell so they can call you, and be prepared for questions like "What did you do while you were gone? What did you see? Who did you meet?" If you can't answer those without hesitating, they'll know you're lying. And if they're fairly intelligent people who might look up the address on Google maps, make sure you're giving them the location of an actual place.
Honesty is the best usual policy. If however you don't want to risk it, or you feel your parents are likely to have a negative reaction, you should try to move out before spreading your wings (pun not intended, but fully endorsed). Parents can be Nazis sometimes, but they're the ones that will give you hell *and* high water should anything hit the fan. Make sure you thoroughly assess your situation and deem that adventuring is worth the risk you're taking. So long as you're living with them, you don't want things to get ugly or awkward. And keep in mind that if you are over 18 (which you damn well better be if you're attending AC without parental consent) they can boot you right onto the street with no warning should they be so inclined (if they find out where you're going and have a negative reaction). There's no law saying parents have to be nice people. Don't tempt such a fate. And yes, it can happen to you; I've seen it happen to plenty of others.
-Estimated six so far. Let's hope it doesn't go higher!
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permalinkBlog: [Link]
What all those guys said.
I worked so hard to write up that blurb on the back of the registration confirmation. Why don't you just show that to your parents? Show them our web page, and the list of highly-respected* individuals who are behind our organization?
*Present company excepted.
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permalinkLocation: Quaker Hill, CT
I see what you did there...
=-__-=
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permalinkWebsite: [Link]
I'm still baffled people seem to think furry is so bad they can't tell anyone. Seriously, what's the big deal?
"Mother, I'm going to a convention that deals with art and the animal form."
"Pop, I'm heading over to a con about cartoon animals."
"Mom, dad, I'll be in Pittsburgh with friends at a convention that's all about funny animal people because it's terrific!"
OH GOD WE'RE EVIL.
Seriously, GET OVER IT.
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permalinkThe big deal isn't what the con *actually* is, the big deal is what his parents *think* the con is.
It depends on if they've heard anything about it beforehand, what they heard, and whether they'd believe him over what they did hear.
That being said, I do like your first suggestion "art and the animal form".
-Estimated six so far. Let's hope it doesn't go higher!
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permalinkLocation: Syracuse, NY
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Exactly! I use the second phrasing usually. Recently while waiting in the audience for a show to begin* I was refining the Art Show layout, and the woman next to me inquired, so I explained a bit.
Many parents would be glad to know their child is interested in attending a convention about cartoon animals, with an honored guest of a longtime Disney artist -- instead of being involved in gangs or drugs!
*Says You in Syracuse, airing throughout June on many public radio stations.
--
PeterCat
Anthrocon Art Show Director
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permalinkLocation: Philadelphia area, PA
Hon, i don't know how you were planning to get a signed notarized letter of permission from your parents without them finding out where you're going...and i'm not sure i want to know. But i'm guessing from your post that you're under 18, and you can't get into the con without that letter.
Seriously. Listen to all of these other wise and wonderful people. Don't blow this out of proportion with the cloak and dagger routine. Just tell your parents you're going to a convention for cartoon enthusiasts, and how exciting it'll be to meet the great floyd norman. If you're afraid of what they'll say, tell them you just found out about this nifty convention with cartoonists and amazing art and you're thinking maybe you could skip the camping trip and go there instead. But don't go without your parents' permission. It just makes your life, and your parents' lives, and the lives of the staff, that much more difficult.
To the best of my knowledge, we've never out-and-out lost anyone. Murphy's law dictates, however, that the one time it does happen, it'll be some crazy teenager who decided not to tell zie's parents where zie went, so the police spend a week combing the beach while the kid's lying in an alley somewhere in pittsburgh.
Just think how much easier it'll be to go to anthrocon next time, if your parents don't associate the con with some awful debacle where you lied to them and they had to drive all the way to pittsburgh to find you (and that's assuming that the reg staff don't ban you for getting them a visit from your parents and maybe the police). I'm not even sure a church camp could dodge that kind of bad press.
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permalinkBlog: [Link]
Let us knock on wood when we say such things! I think it is a little more realistic to envision a case where the parents become worried over some small thing or simply want to see how things are going for their young loved one, and put in a call to the beach...only to be told, "But he never arrived."
Don't put them through that. Tell them about us first. And consider how hurt they'll be if they find out later that you lied to them.
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permalinkAlthough I'm surprised anybody talks to their parents in this regard at all.
Perhaps I just have more trust from my folks? I never gave them any reason to worry. Funny little story here: When I was in my senior year of high school, I decided to take a class in Phlebotomy. Well, I had to ask my dad for money. After some talking about it, he agreed to give me $100 a week for the 8-week course.
So for eight weeks, I took a subway out to Manhatten with $100, and returned 6 hours later with puncture wounds all over my arms.
I always laugh to myself when I tell that one because it honestly NEVER occurred to me at the time what he might have been thinking when I walked through the door every Saturday evening with needlemarks all over my veins. Oh to be that innocent again.
But I was a good boy, so I had that sort of trust with them.
Anyway, as it currently stands, I keep my folks and friends on a need-to-know basis. My folks know where I live and that I have a job. Other than that, I don't see the need to tell them anything. We talk politics, other family members and all that, but my personal life is just that: my personal life. I never even told them I dated anyone because they simply did not need to know. You'd be surprised at how much there is to talk about in life without including your private time in the conversation.
Anyway, I'm still operating under the assumption that the original poster is over 18, because otherwise he could not legally attend the convention in the first place.
-Estimated six so far. Let's hope it doesn't go higher!
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permalinkLocation: Mystic, CT
Blog: [Link]
I have checked on this gentleman's registration, and he is of age; therefore there is no legal issue with his attendance at Anthrocon.
I still think that, for all reasons mentioned here and more, it'd be the wisest choice for him to bring this up with his parents. And for this, I would recommend the following opening phrase: "Mom, Dad, I've had this other opportunity come up and I'm going to take my vacation to Anthrocon instead."
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permalinkThe best advice I've read, yet.
Seriously, everyone has said almost the exact same thing: DON'T LIE TO YOUR PARENTS. It'll save you one huge headache when you come back and they managed to find out, or present you with questions that you may not be prepared for.
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permalinkThanks u guys, and yeah im 19, i actually attendend FWA in Feb and it was a blast. the thing, i have everything set to attend AC coming up and i will tell my parents when the time comes its just that IDK if i tell them now they will be like u caint go when everything is paid for. i know for the most of u guys u r all adults but did u ever tell ur parents at my age u were a furry? they had a hard time accepting that i was w/ a guy and now if i were to tell them that im going to a con, i really dont know how they will take it. presenting the furry fandom to someone who doesnt know what it is all depends on the person explaining it. thanks to kage on that lecture at FWA i was at, what u tell that person is what u bring to prespictive on that person u r talking to. i know how to explain it in a good way, but the fact is will they understand what im talking about.
after the comments im thinking about telling them now before the con, its just that if they say i caint go then now what? there my parents and r paying the roof i live under and helping my through college. like i dont want want to waste all the money i put into this con already and u guys know how much its costing and its not cheep >.< i love my parents and they love me and all its just one of thoes things that im unsure of.
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permalinkLocation: Ardmore, PA
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I told my parents at age 22, right before I came to my first Anthrocon. (this was back in 1999)
Their response? "Stay out of trouble."
If it's an option, I'd always suggest bringing your parents. A number of attendees have brought their parents in past years (The Chairman's attend every year, and mine are attending this year.) Let them see for themselves what the convention is like.
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permalinkLocation: Roseville, CA, USA
I was going to advise not selling your parents short, to give them a little credit, at least - but you of course will know your parents better than any of us would.
Then I wondered - your parents have tolerated - if not accepted - your telling them that you are "with a guy". Yet you feel that they would let you spend 5 days at a beach, but would bridle at you going to a Furry Convention (or Anthropomorphic Convention, as some of us call it). Even after acknowledging that you know how to "explain it in a good way", you express doubt that they will understand what you are talking about. So I ask - what are you talking about?
What does AnthroCon mean to you? What does this concept of FURRY mean to you? What is it that you hope to see or do or experience at AnthroCon?
These are rhetorical questions, you are not in any way answerable to anyone here, certainly not to me, so you needn't actually answer them for us - but I do think that you need to understand for yourself what this all means to you, and what you expect to get from participation in it. Would that be something that you fear would offend your parents' values?
If so - then you may be misjudging the purpose and spirit of Furry Fandom in general, and of AnthroCon in particular.
Like yourself, I am only an attending guest. For me AnthroCon provides an opportunity to see and buy artwork and literature, dealing with Anthropomorphic Animal - "Furry" - themes. I will have the opportunity to meet artists, authors, and people whom I have met on-line, who share that interest, and whom are likely to share other interests as well, which really have nothing to do with Furry Fandom - things like Radio and Electronics, a Military Past, an interest in local and world history - kindred souls, if you will.
Pardon, but I looked at your myspace.com site - which you might wish to update, as a few of the things stated there do not quite match what you stated here; probably a simple oversite, I neglect to update things when my circumstances change, as well - and I see certain things that you and I share in our understanding of the world, and what Furry may mean to us - but these things are NOT what Furry Fandom is about, and
understand that this is a convention of FANS, first and foremost. You can participate in as much - or as little - of the fan activities (called FANAC by older fans) as you wish, but those activities are what AnthroCon is about; AnthroCon has in the past been quite tolerant of people who see Furry a bit differently, and hold different views, and who find it a convenient time and place to socialise - but we cannot try to represent AnthroCon as being ABOUT those things. It is a convention of Fans of Anthropomorphic Storytelling and Artwork, just as its staff claims - and there is absolutely no reason to be afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed of that fact.
So go ahead and and level with your parents, about your changed plans for going to AnthroCon, instead of the beach. You can TRUTHFULLY SAY what AnthroCon is about, starting with that acceptance letter. And if you are not a fully dyed-in-the-wool Furry FAN, you are interested enough to learn more about it and gain perspective at AnthroCon. It oughtta be a lot of fun.
...And anything else which you believe in your heart is an attribute of being a Furry, as opposed to a Furry FAN,...well, you can keep that IN your heart, for the time being.
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permalinkLocation: Philadelphia area, PA
Actually, yes. In fact, i was younger.
I first told my parents i was hanging out with dragons right about when i started hanging out with dragons, which was on my 16th birthday. My mother listened and laughed at the weird antics of my friends i related to her, and my father set up his newsreader to pick up my newsgroup, so i could stay current on what was happening whenever i visited him.
My mother has always been privvy to just about every aspect of my life, as i am hers. In fact, she's one of the only epople i tell everything about everything to. We often joke about her being grendel's mother.
My father and i are not nearly as close, but he's still up on the basic details. My first proper furry con was AC back when it was in philadelphia, and my dad drove me to and from it so i could attend without a hotel stay. He also met everyone i was hanging out with the first time i went to a local furmeet for a weekend, recommended the diner we went to for dinner on sunday, and ended up treating the lot of us. I've never seen my friend skywise pout so much as when my dad sailed in after dinner and promptly filched the check out from under his nose.
Obviously, you know your parents far better than any of us; but if your parents can handle 'Oh, by the way, i like boys', i find it hard to imagine that they couldn't handle 'Oh by the way, i like watching cartoons and puppets and people in animal costumes'. I know it can be a little scary sharing something important to you with your family, but i think you're making this into a bigger deal than it really needs to be.
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permalinkLocation: NJ
I'm one of those who was 'furry' for far longer than I knew the fandom existed. And I was never quiet about my interest in cartoons and anthropomorphics. For my family it was simply, "Oh, so they're pretty much like you then."
My brother actually attended Anthrocon twice, but he's got teaching and summer camp counselling obligations which unfortunately conflict with scheduling, otherwise he'd be there to. (He needs to work. There's still his large college loan debt to chip away.)
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permalinkWebsite: [Link]
My mom knew when I was 14, hell, she was like "and?" after I mentioned it. There's really nothing sinister about it at all.
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permalinkLocation: Bronx, NY
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How about this?
Instead of telling them "I'm a furry", tell them you are a "fan of furry (or even better, animal character) artwork" and there is a whole convention centered around it. It's marginally more accurate than the way you were so reluctant to describe, and it doesn't give the impression that it's some kind of out-of-left-field lifestyle you've decided to experiment with.
A lot of angst and drama surrounding this fandom stems from people (usually teens) getting far more invested in their personal connection to it than necessary. Identifying youself as a fan of (a genre of media) takes much of the weird connotation out of it for those folks not familiar with "furry" (fandom).
---PCJ
FurAffinity Artwork -- VCL Artwork
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permalinkLocation: Richmond, Virginia
I really wouldn't make up an alternative location as to where you are going. I haven't had any problems with my parents in the past.
They have a vague idea of what the furry community is. The last three years that I have gone I've just said, "Mom, Dad I'm going to an art convention in Pittsburgh *or another place* for these days." The reply that I get back is, "Call me when you get there. Have fun. We'll see you on Sunday."
Having one or two select friends visit you for a birthday or something similar, can have a positive impact on your parents. It lets them meet some of the people that you might have mentioned in conversation and also to put a face to a name. If they get along well together it makes things that much better.
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permalinkI have a very strange situation.
I decided that whoever asks me what this convention is about, gets a straight answer.
My parents, my grandma, and a family friend, who sponsered 85% of my trip, have yet to ask.
I'm assuming they're assuming it's a fantasy and/or sci fi and/or computer con.
They'll all get a link to an online picture album afterwards.
I wonder what their reaction would be?
Noy
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permalinkSo i took everyones advice and finnaly told my mom tonight that i was going to a Con. it was a very quick explination i would say. i told her i was going to a Con in Pittsburgh soon and just said its a con about artists and cartoons. and that was it! i didnt have to mention im a furry an she didntd even ask what the name of the con was. she said im at tha age where i want to get out and do my own things. boy aint that the truth.
I just want to thank u guys for all ur advice! *hugs to everyone!!!!!*
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permalinkLocation: Laredo, TX
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Well you did the right thing man. I bet that felt good to get that off your chest.
However Ill admit your a lil lucky that your mom didn't go any further. I mean I'm 22 for crying out loud and my father had to ask me all these questions about where I'm going, what I am gonna do, who I am gonna see, what time Ill be coming back. And thats just the tip of the foxes tail! Hes still even worried despite that Ive told him its a harmless convention appreciating animals with human qualities. I know parents get a lil uneasy when their child takes a big step into something new, but come on, I'm not that stupid despite a few mistakes I may have made. You can say hes a mix of Hank Hill and Calvin's Dad although I wouldn't rule out that he also posses a few Homer Simpson qualities as well, evidenced by that I bought him a nice looking lunch of spicy shrimp n chicken with a house salad and house dressing. For a minute I thought I was going have to play poor man again.
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permalinkLocation: Roseville, CA, USA
There, now! Feels a whole lot better now, doesn't it?
BTW I received your e-mail; thank you for the kind words.
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permalinkBlog: [Link]
Told ya!
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Agreed! Is no big deal, yes?
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permalinkLocation: Philadelphia area, PA
...And all is right with the world. Score!
Congrats on clearing things up with your parents.
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permalinkLocation: Kansas, USA
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Glad to hear it! I told my mom I was in the fandom at a younger age, and she doesn't really get it--my dad, I get the feeling, doesn't care as long as I stay grounded in reality (kinda like my husband). But I still just stay honest with them.
"Where are you going in June?"
"Anthrocon"
"What's that?"
"Furcon...biggest one in the U.S."
"OH! Okay...well, Have fun!"
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